| Can't wait for halloween's adventure. |
[20 Oct 2009|08:54pm] |
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mood |
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 blah |
] |
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music |
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angry piano! |
] |
I am the Lord of tomorrow
and the King of your now
you may call me Sovereign
but it is I who will bow.
I don't understand why I am still in college because I can obviously teach the classes I am taking. I think the system is just screwing me over. I find it funny that I am using I a lot since I was told it was a bad habit to get into, but oh well I don't care. I do know one thing I could know more, but I can't learn it here. I need out, I need a vacation I am over stressed from all the bullshit here and I am thinking about quitting my position at The Critic cause I am fed up with my boss' bullshit.
That said I am going to get in my jammies and go play the piano till I get all this frustration out; I hope my thumb doesn't start bleeding again.
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| Its all about the change |
[02 May 2009|03:10pm] |
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mood |
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lyrical |
] |
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music |
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local bands playing metal/grindcore |
] |
Here are the first words
The start of the last words
The herald's cracked voice
Into the sky screams of choice
Blank verses slide off a guitar
The last musician traveled far
fired soul died down to slow
embers burn: remnants of the flow
Caught in the dark light
Of old age black as midnight
Summon a pyre to soul's sweet
Desire burning like bloody beet
Strum strum strum that beat
Hands mashing slashing crashing
No one could take his seat
The man against the system clashing
Of youth and freedom
Of age and wisdom
Of birth and death
Of all the choices that are left
Take change like an aged man
Calling out with his last breath
The first words to start it man
Are the last words that are left
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[26 Mar 2009|09:10pm] |
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mood |
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 aggravated |
] |
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music |
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making noise with my mouth >_ |
] |
So I have determined that when ever I actually start working on something that isn't the most thought provoking but still requires most of my attention to get anything done is when I am always struck by some form of creative genius... grrr *summon piano* *rock out*
T____T I am going to kill myself writing these papers cause they suck.
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| Getting in the swing of things |
[22 Mar 2009|05:36pm] |
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mood |
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 insane |
] |
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music |
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"All will be revealed my friend" |
] |
Totally just had the most epic of mood swings. I was bleeding heart emo over something I did a long time ago... either that or I just needed a reason to feel like crap cause I was feeling like crap really bad crap like almost bleeding crap, but ignore that. I am feeling fucking amazing right now and I have no clue why... kinda makes me wish I had money on me for the Lady to pick up Subway for me while she is out. Oh wells I think I am going to be giddy for a little bit, maybe start watching Hell Boy 2 that my friend Carlos lent me. >_>;; need something with action pizazz and bright sparkling fiery colors.
Ah-dadada! *runs around in circles*
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| Astrologies, curiosities, and general vanities |
[22 Mar 2009|12:44am] |
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mood |
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 dorky |
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music |
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Dream On - Aerosmith |
] |
To be born on the twenty third day of the fifth month of the one thousand nine hundred eighty sixth year Anno Domini is to be born under the sign of the Twins, Gemini. My name is Thomas: "Greek form of the Aramaic name Te'oma which meant 'twin'" (http://www.behindthename.com/name/thomas). I am born under the Chinese tiger: "Although they are magnetically charming and fun to be around, Tigers like to go it alone sometimes too. A Tiger's main interest is in following its ambitions... Noble and warm-hearted... Tigers will fight the good fight to the bitter end if the cause is worthy... They experience mood swings and often feel things more intensely than others...They can react poorly under stress and are prone to emotional outbursts" (http://chinese.astrology.com/Tiger.aspx). I am born under the sign of Fire: "You're instinctual, but your mind sparks with new ideas and clever solutions. In love, you're highly-charged... these dynamic individuals can see straight to the heart of an issue... restless emotions" (http://chinese.astrology.com/Fire.aspx).
Am I really a star child? my brother is a Gemini as well; he and I exhibit the qualities of twins, with opposite lives and similar talents. He is Water, he is Pig, he is... a way I can recognize my own existence. I am finally coming out of that mold, where the changes come slower they come simpler, but is this who I am? am I to be this Fiery Tiger Twin to a water boar? What could be more ironic and adventurous? I am the Wind to fuel the Flames, I am the Tiger who chases Snakes; I am untaimable, uncagable, but I'll give it all to the one who catches me. Can you come and get me; save me from myself before I burn out?
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| trust me when I say "I am going to miss you" |
[05 Mar 2009|02:37am] |
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mood |
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 crushed |
] |
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music |
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The Weepies - album #2 |
] |
it seems that no matter what I do or say you can't get over the guy who hurt you. I guess I am a bad friend. I can't get you to understand that you need to stand on your own feet. I want you to be happy, but if you can't make yourself happy then your only going to be hurt by your dependency. Do you really want me to be there for you? or do you only want me there cause I am attractive? I care about you and am willing to make great sacrifices for you to understand, but I am met with so much resistance that I don't know if my waiting is worth it anymore. I know you respect my friendship but I think you're not really listening to me, so I am thinking of disappearing. you don't need me, you don't want me, I mean all I am is eye candy to you right? so why don't I just pack up and fuck off.
I am sorry, you're killing me, and I want to be dieing in your arms.
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| A Weepies' whisperings |
[02 Mar 2009|02:41am] |
"The whole world is moving but I am standing still..." its all out of my hands now, I can't protect them like I thought. I can keep waiting but to what end? I am a hopeless romantic whose crossed stars with everyone. I not only have lost motivation for a companion but also for everything else.
"Nothing else will do, I gotta have, I gotta have you..." caring doesn't seem to be enough anymore, and even though I have tried to distract my mind with other things I have found myself still wanting you in my arms. And when I stop caring the entire world is grey and muddy. So really what can I do? is it time for me to just give up? or is it time for me to be there, be here, and let you know that the world even though it keeps going on, will stop for you if you let me stop it. You have changed me, I let you change me and I enjoyed it. You hurt me and I hurt you, but you know we are still you and me, and we still are great friends as "the world spins madly on..."
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| I am gonna be leaving soon |
[15 Feb 2009|06:19pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 alive |
] |
| [ |
music |
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my friend's myspace profile playlist |
] |
I just wanted to let a couple special people know, that no matter where I go, wherever we all end up: I'll never forget you.
Thanks you two
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| A Search for Meaning |
[11 Feb 2009|01:16pm] |
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music |
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Personal Jesus - Johnny Cash |
] |
A senseless craze burns deep into
A heart of fire and darkness as
Black and bleak am I left to see
No simpleness of one truth but of all truths in one.
All things connected from electron to proton
And held there by all repelling forces. Constant
In motion, what moment could give to
Moment that only could give me time
For a breath. A chilling air swallowed
Slows the heart, pains the senses, as it burns
Your lungs. No rest, no sleep, no breath, no relaxation left.
An ever haunting hell of bright
Black truth, simple in creation
But devastating in application.
-------
This poem I wrote a while ago while I was working on a very difficult research essay. Its mainly a comment on the semantics of language in the upper crust society of educated scholars.
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| Can you believe in waiting |
[06 Feb 2009|01:36am] |
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mood |
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 determined |
] |
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music |
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~All You Need Is Love~ |
] |
one day stretches into the next until one week seems to pass with the rest. soon you see month fly by after month and what is truly left? these few last months that I have had are both a blur of realism and fanciful epic tale, of sadness and remorse, and of joy and forgiveness. I stand here now out in the cold of a Vermont winter wondering will you let me in before the frost settles to my bones. I fear sometimes that your house, full of all its warmth, cannot accommodate one so lowly and dirty as I. Fear needing to venture to another house far down the lane in false hopes that she would let me in. with fear in heart and hand what can one do? I stand and wait wondering how long till spring, the warmth it brings and the flowers that spring forth; for the sweet odors that cut through the crisp air, and for the gentle breezes that will comfort me as I stand there; for strangely this is something I am not willing to give up as easily as the rest. I can't just be defeated like all the others who turned me around. If need be I will make the door fall in love with me to ask it to open, so I might see into her home; so I might sit and stare into her hearth patiently caring, patiently hoping. I just wish this spring could be sooner.
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| memories, traditions and good ol' friends |
[01 Jan 2009|08:33pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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alive |
] |
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music |
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Orbital or Flyleaf you choose |
] |
This I guess is to everyone I was hanging out with last night. I missed the crew. I have been a bad friend for not really being there for any of you. I miss Friday night D&D, I miss going to the movies with people. I really miss Justin T_T and our jokes about monkies and Scottsmen.
I enjoyed most of last night, I think the only thing I didn't enjoy was when I realized it was 5am and I wasn't in a bed yet. >_< I am glad I got to meet Pat, I have a feeling that we will get along just fine. speaking of Pat >_>;; I need to find my D&D books, and check the weather for Saturday. :3 I couldn't find my hardcopies so I think my brother took them to his house, if I have the soft copies on my externals I'll be happy otherwise I might go down to my brothers for dinner tomorrow and borrow the books to make my Character. Woo I love making Characters ^__^
I wish Ursula and Dan could have come, been a while since I have seen her, and I am curious as to this Dan(panda?). I haven't seen Adrian in a long time either... I might see him Saturday :D I might see Paja too~
I could talk about my christmas presents all of which were dreadfully delightful, I could talk about all the pre and post Christmas Parties which were all dreadfully ... dreadful, but I'll leave that for story time when I am face to face with people. I <3 story time XD
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| totally stuffed |
[27 Nov 2008|05:11pm] |
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mood |
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full |
] |
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music |
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Enigma - The Alchemist |
] |
Good eats, good people, great wine. It was all I could want out of a meal ^_^ <3 Turkeyday dinner. Now I just need to relax I was getting so tired eating that I almost couldn't swallow anymore o_o;; I wasn't full either. Clea was good entertainment and Hannah and Alison brought an nice youthful vivaciousness to the party that my brother totally lacks >_<.
I am trying to decide if I should bother going shopping tomorrow or just kinda sit around here and digest more leftovers. I hope there is left over ice cream pie O_O *nom nom nom*.
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| what am I? |
[15 Nov 2008|11:38pm] |
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mood |
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content |
] |
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music |
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A Perfect Circle |
] |
I have discovered... well more or less come to the facinating realization that I am a blue blooded sinner and I like it >:3
this isn't something completely new, I just have been noticing patterns in my thoughts that are starting to seem more clear, and well the clarity has revealed the murky depths of my understanding of the world... SIN >_> is IN ^_^ have fun and enjoy cause only the good die young.
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| its the little things that count ^_^ |
[31 Oct 2008|01:15pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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optimistic |
] |
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music |
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Across the Universe/R.E.M./Parker House and Theory |
] |
I woke up today to a very nice email from my adviser saying that I can relax a little and write my papers over the weekend and hand them to him on Monday. That being said my stress levels have decreased substantially and I am now able to think a little more clearly and pleasantly.
I just talked with Buck about my paper and he was pleased with it, I got a B in his Major Author Seminar; I registered for classes and talked with him again about taking an independent study class for Approaches to Literature.
I have Fallout 3 but still haven't opened it. It kinda sucks that I have 3-4 more papers to write and Fallout, the game I have been waiting for since 2001, decides to come out. I wanna play it so bad T_T
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| Stolen from Kieth |
[28 Oct 2008|01:03am] |
...there is not much I can say about this o_O;;
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| Workaholicy |
[23 Oct 2008|11:17pm] |
| [ |
mood |
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 Workaholicy? |
] |
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music |
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My Muse: The Decemberists |
] |
Its amazing how things change so quickly in my life; I blame being a gemini, but I really need to focus on the danglie bits of college for a few days as that really is all I have between me graduating and dropping out. if I was to have to take another semester of classes with such a load of work as my last one I fear that nothing would change. So you see me here and now stuck in the office writting something that I hope to all god that I get credit for.... I need to stop procrastinating since I can go to sleep once this paper turns from 1 page to 10ish... yeah woo hah I am gonna love knowing that once I am done with this one I have 4+ more papers to write.
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| Happy places |
[21 Oct 2008|10:23am] |
| [ |
mood |
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 creative |
] |
| [ |
music |
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The Killers - Mr Brightside |
] |
^_^ my life is getting better. I have to thank all my friends for being there for me (Paj, Ben, Steve, Sara M., Tana, Sara C., Caryn, +more). I kinda realized I walked off a cliff and was still floating (kinda like in the road runner cartoons XD), then I just kinda fell. >_<
Anyway, I am going to Salem this Saturday, funfun ^_^ Next weekend is the halloween party and then I am probably gonna go visit my mom. The concert is next week too o_O; http://www.rockbandlivetour.com/ (epic).
I have some new picks up on my DA account and next time that it turns out to be a nice day I'll be adding more to my collection. I have been looking at my surroundings a little bit more as of late and there are some rather interesting photo ideas that have been popping in my head.
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| Why? |
[19 Oct 2008|08:58am] |
| [ |
mood |
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crushed |
] |
| [ |
music |
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Placebo meds |
] |
Why is it that I fall for a beautiful woman in a relationship? Why is it that she expressed intrest in me to make me think there could be an us? Why did I think I was taking advantage of her when she knew she was taking advantage of me and I never faulted her for it? Why is it that she lied to me? Why did she say she didn't want a relationship yesterday because she isn't over Tim and go and get in one with someone else today? I am sorry but I just don't really understand why you are hurting me so much...
I still love you and trust you. I only wish you could do half as much.
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red_rogue_zero's journal
Dear Santa...
contemplative